Day 2 with Ivan

I so wanted to write this while in Russia as to not forget a single detail, but alas, fatigue and packing to leave got the better of me, and I didn't get it done. Yesterday I fell very ill, stomach problems. Since I can't seem to sleep tonight, I'll take advantage of it to get this post completed!
Day 2 with Ivan was a magical day! We got up very early and had a leisurely breakfast at the hotel. We also spent much time in prayer about confirmation. We knew this was the child God had for us, but we were a little concerned. This is a huge decision, and although there was some positive reactions to his environment the first day, (and it was such a short time together) we just wanted to be sure that as we left, we were making the right choice!

God answered all of our prayers!

We went to our morning visit, and it was just one translator, Nastia, Chris and me. We were able to see more clearly his little personality. I asked if I could strip him down to see his feet. I think I mentioned that they overdress the babies. He had on the cutest little dress slacks, turquoise green tights and sandals. I just love baby feet, and I heard that rubbing their feet is a great way to bond. So we took off all the layers and finally got to those little stubby feet! My daughter had the fattest little sausages, and Ivan did too! :) So I started tickling his little feet and he was delighted!!! He laughed huge laughs! He loved it! It was great to see him be so free! He was more into walking around on this visit too. He didn't want to walk to Chris much, but he would walk to me, and just as I was about to grab him up, he would spin around 180 degrees and plop down in my lap. So cute! And if that wasn't enough, this child who never said anything to us yet, looked right at Chris and said, "Da Da"! Now, they say Papi for Daddy, and so we know it was a fluke, but we're claiming it anyway!

Chris brought his iPhone and played some music for Ivan. We heard he liked music and liked to dance. I'm telling you, it was so cute watching Chris play this music and sing worship songs to Ivan.

Then we had to leave and go back to the hotel for a bit before the second visit. We went back and met with Jane our translator to settle up payments of the first trip and get all the information we need for subsequent trips to finalize the adoption. A lot of information for sure. Jane was so good and patient with us. We brought a photo album with pictures of Emily, Chris and me for his care givers to show to Ivan. Jane wrote little subtitles in Russian so that his caregivers could tell him, "This is your sister Emily waiting for you" and "This is your Mami and Papi".

We then left soon after for our second trip to the baby house. On the way we stopped to get flowers for the director. She was delighted! We brought some other toys and clothes for Ivan. She said she would keep the clothes separate and dress him in them when we arrive to take him home. Then she asked if we would be okay taking him outside since it was his walking time. We said sure! It would be great to see him outside.

I'm so glad we got this experience. They brought him to us, and he was dressed up like the Michelin Tire Man! I mentioned that they overdress the babies, and he had a lot of layers on. I thought at first, there was no way he could walk in all this! We were concerned that he couldn't walk well on his own. We'd only seen him go small distances inside. At first, he did stumble a bit. I attribute most of it to his shoes being about 2 sizes too small. When we got him outside, he was running! He led me all over the grounds. He is all boy. He would fall to the ground and laugh! And he kept wanting to put rocks and dirt in his mouth! :) He was also so trusting. I would hold him and he would arch his back, go completely limp, and then laugh. I thought that was amazing to be so vulnerable!

We also got a glimpse at his caregivers. He absolutely loves them! One of them was outside and he would wave to her and run after her! She loved him so much, you could tell. It was really great to see. One of the things I had prayed for is that he was favored by his caregivers, so that he could receive love from us more easily. And that is apparently the case. In fact, every care giver or doctor that walked by him stopped to kiss him, or make him laugh. It made it easier to leave knowing that he is well cared for and loved. I did cry a little when we left, but really I felt so secure. They are going to take such great care of him I know! And I know they are excited for him to have a hope of a future.

Being home now, it is more sad to know we have to wait 6-8 weeks to get him home, but I know the time will fly. We will have to go back two more times. One for court, and one to bring him home. Can't wait for that glorious day!

Meeting our Son

Today was a wonderful, tiring, emotional day. Today was the day we met Ivan! Of course, it is such a flood of emotions, and being a bit jetlagged, and a bit carsick from the driving, I can just praise God that He gave us the strength to get through it!

Today started out very relaxing. We go about 7 decent hours of sleep and had a leasurely morning. There was a wonderful buffet at the hotel. We ate to our heart''s content, and we brought back some small sandwiches made of meat and cheese from the buffet to have for lunch. So glad we did that! It was a long day before we were able to eat again - about 4pm! But it was a nice snack prior to dinner.

We then met up with our coordinators and the other family to head over to the Ministry of Education. We had to meet with a Psychologist and the Minister of Education. The other couple went first, and Chris and I waited for about an hour and a half in the waiting area. The psychologist conducted a two hour interview of us, about our parenting styles, discipline methods and time management. She was very happy with our "method of parenting" and said we will be very successful with adopting a second child. We also had some psychological evaluations using colors, drawing pictures and interpreting pictures. A long process! Then we were quickly ushered over to the Minister of Education and interviewed briefly. We were expecting a long interview, but they were worried we wouldn't have a good opportunity to meet the child since the day was already going so long. So luckily she only asked a few questions, and offered us Ivan! YEA!

Then we literally ran out of the office, jumped in the car and raced over to the orphanage. It was already 1:30pm and we only had until 3pm with the child, so time was important. They were telling us that normally we hear the complete medical report when we get there, but since time is so short, they will ask if we can just see the child, and our coordinators will write all the important info down for us. We got there and went straight away into a playroom. They asked we take our shoes off to keep their floors clean. We had two translators and our adoption coordinator with us. We were joined in the room by the Lawyer for the orphanage, another legal council person and the Head Doctor. Then the neurologist came in, and then finally Ivan! He came in walking holding a finger of his primary caretaker. She described him as very active, but very kind hearted. Not aggressive at all. Has a full range or emotions, but very happy most of the time. Wears a diaper for bed and nap. (I was told that diapers are expensive, so as soon as they are able to sit up they put them on a pot and certain parts of the day (after waking up, after breakfast, etc.) When he first came in, I think it surprised him to see so many adults! And then there was these two strangers who spoke a completely different language. We came up to him on the floor and his little eyes welled up with tears. Broke my heart a little, but I was happy because our Doctor told us that even tears can be a good sign that he is reacting to his environment. So Chris held him a little. Then I picked him up and walked with him. He seemed to like this and the tears receded. Then I put him on my lap and bounced him a little. I pulled his arms out and he started smiling! That was the second thing my Dr. said was so important was any positive emotional reaction to his surroundings. I was at peace at that point. Chris was concerned a little more about his mouth always being open. Always open! I wasn't worried - thinking really it was okay because he is teething and drooling a lot from that. But the psychologist mentioned that he explores his whole world through his mouth first...

We were told he was diagnosed with a hearing impairment at some point. He had many ear infections early on, and they now think that was the cause of temporary hearing loss. Today, they believe his hearing is perfect, but for a few months, it wasn't. And that causes them to compensate in different ways. This orphanage has a rehabilitation program to deal with different types of developmental delays, and this one tried different things to envoke positive emotions and reactions to different situations. The psychologist believes that in order to explore his world with sub-optimal hearing, he depended on his oral senses to learn. So everything went into his mouth. We noticed this today too. The camera and the elephant went in his mouth. But every specialist says this will be no problem once he is home and receiving lots of love and attention.

We also had him just before his naptime, so he was getting tired at the end of the meeting. He just cuddled up and buried his little head in my chest and clung on to my arms with his hands. It felt so nice! I was also very happy about this, because many institutionalized children don't receive affection well, because they aren't used to it. He seemed to crave it!

Then I had to give him up to one of the workers. It was hard, but I knew we'd be coming back tomorrow. So I handed him over and we left for the hotel.

Tonight we met with our coordinator, and she gave us lots of information from the orphanage. But she didn't want to overwhelm us, so she put off most of it for tomorrow. We going to get to see him between 9-10am tomorrow and then again from 1:30-3:00pm. She suggested we bring the Orphanage Head Doctor some flowers since it is her birthday tomorrow. We also mentioned we'd like to bring a gift of supplies as well.

Well, I better head to bed, I have to get up in 5 hours for another long day!

Sleepless night

Well, I'm not sure what's going on, but I cannot sleep tonight. I am leaving for Russia in just one week. I think the anxiety is setting in. Up until today, I have been at complete peace over the whole situation. I described it to my "girls" at bible study today as almost a guarded feeling or "out of body". I know that my son is there. I know I will be meeting him and then I have to leave him there for two more months, and I just felt peaceful about it. I think it's the Lord's way of keeping me sane when I know I have to walk away and leave him there for a couple more months.

Tonight I cannot sleep. But I don't think it's the baby that has me restless. I think it's the trip. Today I had to go to the bank and get cash, which was harder than you might expect, becuase the Russians won't accept any american money that has a spot or blemish. So I spent almost an hour looking over $100 bills with two tellers saying, "This one is too folded", "This one is too old", "This one has a stamp on the back", etc. So stressful! Then the fam and I went to the mall to look at travel accessories (a nice daypack, a money belt, etc) to keep our personal belongings safe while abroad. Now my mind is swirling with plans and preparations...Did I get enough cash? What clothes should I pack? What do I bring the baby? Will I have all the right paperwork? Will our visas return on time? What if I forget copies of important papers? Did I order enough pre-packaged food for the trip? Will I leave enough info on Emily for Grandpa and Grandma to take care of her???

But, I know in my heart that I am not called to worry. When it comes to food and clothes, consider the birds and the lillies...Does my God not care more about me than the birds and flowers??? When it comes to my preparation, am I not trusting that God will prompt me to be prepared?

I say this not in a beat-myself-up sort of way, but rather in a remember-that-God-is-in-control-and-not-me sort of way. I need to remember that God has taken care of every detail so far, and he is not going to let me fail now. As long as I remain diligent as an ant. Yes, an ant.

Proverbs 6:6-8
6 Go to the ant, you sluggard!
Consider her ways and be wise,
7 Which, having no captain,
Overseer or ruler,
8 Provides her supplies in the summer,
And gathers her food in the harvest.

I will reap the benefits by remaining diligent. My harvest will be the completion of my heart!

To my son...

Do you walk?
Do you run?
Have you been out to play in the sun?
When you drink your milk does it dribble down your chin?
Or do you keep it all in?
Do you have a favorite toy?
Do they tell you you’re a good boy?
Do you sleep with a blanket or do you wiggle out of your swaddle?
Do you cry because there isn’t enough in your bottle?
Will you let me hold you when I get there?
Will you look in my eyes…touch my face…pull on my hair?
Is your heart soft and able to feel
Small emotions so real?
Or if it’s hard…will it soften?
Will the short life you’ve had be remembered or forgotten?
Will you embrace a whole new life?
I can make no promise that it will be without strife
But I will pray for you each day
As I do now, each day I pray
That you would accept
…a new land
…a new language
…a new home
…a new family
And the God I love who ordered every step of our journey
As I prepare to come meet you, I look back at the path I took
And from the second I saw your face, I knew at first look
That God made you for me;
You were created to complete our family
And I loved you before you ever were
And I’ll love you forever and ever
My precious son.

Meeting my son...

We got the date...At this time in two weeks, I will be in Russia preparing to meet the child that may very well be our son for the very first time! This is the first trip where we meet the child and formally "accept" him. I honestly don't know if it would be within me to pass him over. This is why I am asking people in my closest circles to pray for discernment and wisdom for Chris and me. We get to spend a little time with Ivan and then we have to decide if he is the child for us. It is our opportunity to evaluate him, make sure he is healthy and developmentally on-track. As we are not doctors, we are relying on the limited medical info for him which for the most part indicates he is in great health. We are to expect that this meeting may only be an hour! I don't know how I am going to put him down and walk away. After this initial meeting, it will be another 6-8 weeks before we can adopt him!

This trip is very short - we will only be gone about 4 1/2 days! We will be traveling for half of it, and from what I hear, we will be rushing for the other half. We don't completely know what to expect, except to know it will be the adventure of a lifetime.

I praise God for is goodness and amazing orchestration of the whole process. When I sit back and reflect upon every twist and turn, every single act of this process, His fingerprints are left upon every tiniest detail! I am trusting Him now to help us complete the process, and funds are something that are dwindling away here at the end! I'm not sure how God is going to make it all work, but I am confident that He will!

Yahweh is Merciful

Saturday afternoon we received the final document necessary to complete the dossier! A good friend from high school who is now a CPA actually agreed to certify our assets! I was so happy to bring that, along with our letters from the Sheriff's office stating that Chris and I are model citizens :)

I proudly dropped them off, let the coordinator check off the final boxes and was filled with glee that the paper work mountain that had appeared insurmountable was now beneath me!

So I ask the dossier coordinator..."Can I find out where we are on the waiting list?" And she said, "Let me see if the director is busy." She brings me into his office, and we greet. I ask him where we stand on the list. I know it is really all dependent upon when referrals come in, but it would be nice to know if we are near the top of the list or if we are somewhere down on the bottom.

He checked his list, up and down...sorted it...studied it...lots of silence. Then as if out of nowhere, he produces a color picture on a piece of paper and places it in front of me. "This little boy is available. He is a little older than you were hoping for - almost 15 months old"

I couldn't put the picture down. The first thing I noticed is that he has my daughters same exact nose. It is her feature that Chris and I fight over getting to kiss! Kind of a family joke. Then I just was captivated by his eyes. He looks like he could so easily be a biological child of ours! He was absolutely beautiful. I fought hard to keep the tears from rolling down. And I couldn't speak.

I finally asked (and stumbled over my words quite a bit) "What happens if this is the baby we want?" I was thinking, "How do I get this picture to my hubby? Will he like this child? Is he healthy? Is he walking? Will there be any problems with the adoption process?" and on and on...

We did talk about some of those questions, as I was able to settle my heart down a bit. But I just knew that this was the baby.

The director said he would do some checking and when he got some updated information he would officially email us the "referral". So I left and called Chris and told him that we could be getting a referral very soon!

The next day, I got the email. I found out his name - Ivan! And got a copy of his medical report. Chris and I called the director and asked some more questions. The director told us about a family who was going to adopt Ivan. They were making their travel plans and were told that he was not adoptable because they didn't have a release from the birth mom to allow him to be adopted in his file. They had already had a doctor review his medical form. They had gone on to adopt another baby boy and had been home about 3 weeks with him now. But he said she would probably love to talk with us and share any information she had.

She emailed us yesterday! She was so happy and said she'd prayed for Ivan every day! She was so excited that Ivan may be placed right here in the same city!

What a story this is already turning into. I looked up the meaning of the name Ivan, and it means "Yahweh is Merciful" or "God is Gracious". Yet more confirmation that this baby exhibits God's love and mercy and grace over us. God is so merciful to give us a chance at a second child!

What is the next step??? Well, have accepted the referral, and now our dossier is being registered in that region of Russia. As soon as that is complete we will receive a travel date. We expect to be going to see him in as soon as 3 weeks!!!

Please continue to pray that all goes smoothly in this process. It has been emotionally draining, logistically difficult and also a huge financial burden...but it all seemed like nothing when we saw that sweet picture above. So your prayers are much appreciated! Feel free to leave comments on the site. I'd love to hear your encouraging words!

James 1:17 (New International Version)
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

Matthew 7:11 (New International Version)
If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

Homestudy Success!!!

Isaiah 40:31 But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.

Chris and I have completed the homestudy!!! I have an inch-tall stack of photocopied documents that went into this process. We had a 3 hour interview with the Social Worker. We had 10 credit hours of classes (which took us probably closer to 30 to complete) and we had people all over the country writing letters on our behalf...and it all boils down to a 6 page report. Our whole life, all three of us - in 6 pages. Wow! Have I never felt so insignificant! :)

Finally when the report is finished, we kept our momentum going so that we could finish our dossier just as quickly. Well, here we are nearly a month later, and we're still working on it. I have learned some valuable lessons...first, the enemy will interfere with God's good work. No matter what you do, Satan is there to frustrate you, to make you want to give up and stand up road blocks to keep your pace going. If he make you feel that you can't handle something, can't persevere through something or can't tolerate something, he can keep you from God's blessings and diminish your faith. The dossier is much more tricky, because there are probably between 80-100 documents, and the Russians are extremely particular! Even the abbreviation of a state can completely invalidate a dossier document! We must practice extreme patience with this process!

I had a situation with my CPA... well, what was my CPA. I had them prepare my taxes from 2005 to 2007, but I did our own in 2008. I needed a CPA to certify our assets - or really just state that I certify that these are our assets. I contacted them, and they told me in no uncertain terms that since I did not use them last year, they would not do this for me. I was appalled! There was no, "Well, it will cost this much" or "Let's see what you have and we'll let you know if we can help you" It was just "No". Well, after I let them know in no uncertain terms that they have lost this customer for life, I felt so rejected and angry! But God provided another way, a connection to a childhood friend that said he would take care of it for us.

Second, many, many things are out of your control. There are documents that you take extreme care with, have notarized, and then send off to some third party, and trust that they will provide you the proper information in a timely fashion. Some documents have taken weeks to return! Some we are still waiting on. Others returned to us very quickly. But the bottom line is that we cannot worry for the things about which we have no control. I have experienced a lot of stress in getting the forms from our Doctors completed. I have to bring a notary, I have to convince them to write letters (on the spot) and I have to trust that they will have their medical license with them, and also trust that the medical license does not expire within 6 months! I was able to mitigate some of this by social engineering some letterhead from a doctor's nurse for these letters so I could draft them on their behalf ahead of time, but the front office is so trained to "protect" the doctors, that getting a question answered like "When does the Doctor's medical license expire" is almost impossible!

All this leads to the third lesson - All things through prayer and petition! I was trying to complete all these things on my own. Getting rather pious with my husband about the tasks I would delegate to him. Ride heard on everything and worry about the events to come. But I am learning that God knows the timing and we must one - trust that if we have a roadblock, there may be a reason for it and two - we need to be praying to keep the enemy attacks down and for discernment about which roadblocks are attacks and which are of God. I realize now that we are close to the end of the waiting list, God wants to match us to the perfect child for us! He already knows who that is, and a little longer wait or a little push to get things through will divinely line us up with that perfect gift.

Our dossier is almost complete. I am praying that we will have everything by next week done that we can do, and that everything that we can't do will fall into place by the end of August. Our next step is a baby referral and a whirlwind trip to Russia to meet the precious baby!

Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.